Thought of the Day – The Perils of Jealousy

Posted: July 16, 2017 in Thought of the Day

Hand on Heart, have you been jealous in the past? A writer described this: ‘It is a tiger that not only tears its prey, but also its own raging heart.’

Is this the reason I still feel like that after almost 50 years? Ashamed to say that sometimes I was jealous of my very best friend Pisi. I am sure she did not feel the same animosity towards me at all. As it was we did everything together, having met at a recuperating place in the Harz Mountains, Pisi then 5 years of age and I was 6. Medically there was nothing wrong with either of us beside being born not long after WW II in Germany and being diagnosed with severe malnutrition. Back home and a year later we met again at school. Her mother together with Pisi’s sister and 3 brothers moved into one of the flats across from our bedroom window. Just the back yard from our tenement separated us. Only where Pisi lived it was not really a flat, but one room, which the mother cleverly divided with strategically placed wardrobes into a sleeping and living part. A small cooker and sink unit to one side. Shared toilets on the corridors of each floor. Unlike our fat which had 3 rooms between the 7 of us, mother and 6 children, but we had our own toilet. Bathroom however was shared with the other 8 families in our block and was situated in the cellar. Bath-time every Saturday. For Pisi to have a bath she came to our place. In these living conditions, her mother still found the energy and motivation to place her sewing machine on the only table there was and make clothes for her children and for everybody else including me, against very little payment. How often did the mother or Pisi wave to me through the window, to come over. They made my favourite dish ‘ Kartoffelpuffer (Potato pancakes) which we always eat with apple sauce. Today considered almost a delicacy. To our astonishment, our mothers (None of us had a father breadwinner who would care for us ) managed to scrape the 15 Deutschmarks together each month, to let us join the children’s ballet group, which was attached to the local theatre. That’s where we spent our Youth. Running after school, to either practise, rehearse or getting ready for a performance. We used to walk home at night by ourselves, something which would be unheard of today. Reaching adulthood, Pisi followed her dream and became a dancer, later on changed over to the make up department. She was a very talented young Lady. No, I was not jealous of that, just little small niggling thing when we were teenagers I guess. Why am I telling you all this? As I said earlier, we really did do everything together, we even had Breast cancer the same year on the same side. Only Pisi did not make it. But my friend will always be with me, and I apologise to her when we meet again. And her mother? Yes she still lives in our town, thank God, not in the same place anymore. I visit her when I go back to my hometown of Hildesheim. Sadly last time I went she did not recognise me. And Pisi’s Sister? I saw a a few times 2 month ago, again I was on a home visit. We hugged, laughed and cried and talked about the good old days.